Brian's expressions when I would rip myself to shreds eventually moved from sympathy to frustration. Because it so obviously was — he was trying to grab handfuls of his tummy for emphasis, but was struggling to even get one hand full. He has limits, he's human, and more important, he's a human who loves me and finds me attractive, and is frustrated with having to defend those choices to me, of all people. But you couldn't fool everyone forever. It was like my self-image was in a tennis match, and it was more important for me to be right than for me to feel good. Most of my life, my weight has felt like a search light from above that continually hounds me, putting the spotlight on my body even when I just want to hide. When you get into a relationship, however, it becomes a constant referendum on the tastes and judgment of the person who loves you.
Martha. Age: 21.
But one morning, I saw him looking at himself in the mirror, grabbing the small pudge from his stomach, and agonizing about how much he felt it made him into a terrible person.
Cassidy. Age: 20.
My Boyfriend Loves Fat Women
Anything he liked, I wouldn't wear. He has limits, he's human, and more important, he's a human who loves me and finds me attractive, and is frustrated with having to defend those choices to me, of all people. At some point that night, I remember lying next to him, still feeling unbelievably cocky from my victory, when Brian mentioned that I wasn't normally his type. Brian was the type of guy I spent most of high school and college and my entire adult life pining after and never getting: slim, with dark hair and glasses, his jeans torn in all the best places.