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It was actually kind of gross. And per Desire tradition, the ship was clothing-optional, super erotic, and very, very sex and alcohol-friendly. Before boarding the ship for this epic week-long sexcation, I wasn't super sure what it'd be like, since this was Desire's first cruise ever. The dance floor was absolutely packed with drunk, middle-aged hedonists dressed as sexy versions of Wonder Woman, Cat Woman, Batman, Spider Man, Zorro, and pretty much every superhero you can think of. I can't fit my tits in it," she whispered as she cupped her massive fake boobs and jiggled them around. Ah, the unmistakable appearance of the sexually frustrated.

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Kassandra. Age: 25.
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I was no longer fazed by any of this, so I just walked out without a second glance, went to my room, and went to sleep.

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Emory. Age: 32.
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I Went On a 7-Day 'Sex Cruise', And It Was The Wildest Vacation Ever

One woman, who was dressed as a really slutty Wonder Woman, took a good look at my lobster-motif sweater, and wobbled over to me with her clear stripper heels, her cocktail sloshing around with each step. They literally wasted no time shedding their clothes despite it being something brisk degrees in autumnal Northern Italy. If you want to experience the ineffable joy of going on a sex cruise and then telling your friends about it, Desire's Barcelona cruise is coming up in April, so you better book fast.

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